I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
