Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
