I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
