billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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