textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
