I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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