Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
