if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
