If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
