I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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