haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
