why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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