and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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