I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just had sex bonerless
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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