I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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