There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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