I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
