the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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