I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
