do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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