I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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