i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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