i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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