I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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