yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
