Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
