ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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