singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
