i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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