we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
