i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
