During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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