and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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