Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
