hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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