I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
