she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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