I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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