Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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