so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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