We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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