her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My balls are so social today.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
