mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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