if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
