I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
