my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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