So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
