i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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