please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This is my gift to your gina
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
