Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
