drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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