I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
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This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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