Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
