I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
