I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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