new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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