she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
