I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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