My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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