Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
