You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
