Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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