Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
