Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
