Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
