Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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