can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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