I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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