I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
