Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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