Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
