Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
