soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
