We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
