those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
