he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
