Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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