No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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