my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
