The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
