I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
