Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
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I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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