Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
