why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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