The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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